Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
