I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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