I just cut my nipple shaving
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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