Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's like heaven, but drunker
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
