I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
