do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
