I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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