I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
