I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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