Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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