At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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