We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
