im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
