I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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