I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
