I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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