The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
