the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
