her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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