im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
