my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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