Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
