You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
