really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
