i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
