He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They took my balls.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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