So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
