He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
