I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
