he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
