i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
