your parents love me but you hate me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
