dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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