I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
