he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
