did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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