I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
how drunk are you?
Several
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
