Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Panties = found
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
