The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
