you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
