girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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