How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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