I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize