There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
