is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
