Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
