Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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