i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
