Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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