dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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