Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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