I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
