Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
