I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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