if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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