Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
