The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
