I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
