Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
