you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
