Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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