I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
