We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
