I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
