Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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