just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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