I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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