Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
