Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
