why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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