I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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