dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
