you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize