I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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