now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
