Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
