I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
