i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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