So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
