If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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