My nipple is on Facebook.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
