i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
