apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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