so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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