Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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