i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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