i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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