She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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