We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
