if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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