I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize