You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
