What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
