I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
