If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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