You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
