..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
